Do you put others’ needs before your own or try maybe a little too hard to make the people around you happy? Have you wondered why people engage in such behaviour? Well, this article will help you understand the ‘why’ behind people-pleasing.
When understanding the psychology of people-pleasing, it is critical to be aware that there is no one sole explanation for it. The reason behind people-pleasing might be different for different people. However, there are a few key explanations as to why a person engages in such acts.
People pleasing can also result from having gone through negative experiences as a child. Some patterns of behaviour learnt in childhood can be carried over to adulthood. And individuals tend to engage in people-pleasing because of this carryover. In such cases, the act of engaging in behaviours aimed at gratifying others is known as fawning. This usually happens when the person, as a child, learns to cope with the dysfunctional environment at home by taking care of the emotional needs of their parents. This is a strategy the child adopts through which they try to appease and please someone who they consider a source of threat to them, to prevent attacks from them and protect themselves. When this gets carried into adulthood and is unresolved, it leads to negligence towards one’s own needs and creates a tendency to put others before self for the sake of the relationship one has with them. People-pleasing can be considered as having 3 different components namely, a people-pleasing mindset, people-pleasing habits, and people-pleasing feelings. People-Pleasing Mindset: Some individuals try to please the people around them due to the rigid thought that they need everyone to like them. They determine their self-esteem based on how much and what they do for others and believe that others’ needs must come before your own. The drive to please others comes from the false mindset that being extremely nice to others offers immunity from being rejected and any possible hurtful and negative treatment from them. Contrarily, they impose rigid rules and standards for themselves and have high expectations for themselves while simultaneously longing for acceptance by the world. Individuals who engage in people-pleasing activities due to this owe their tendencies to distorted thinking patterns and are considered as having a people-pleasing mindset.
People-Pleasing Feelings: Individuals can have more than one reason or component that pushes them toward pleasing people. Though it may have its benefits, people-pleasing is exhausting and stressful, even causing one to freeze up when some action is required due to the fear of real or anticipated disapproval. Some may argue and describe people-pleasing as being nice. The distinction is that at the center of the ‘niceness’ of people-pleasing is negative emotions and those actions described as being nice are driven ultimately by fear. Moreover, this tendency to please leads to a dangerous cycle of self-defeat. It reduces the time and energy for the self.
Most of all, remember, your opinion of yourself is the one that should be valued the most. Learn to prioritise yourself and say no when necessary. Live your life the way you want without having to worry about others. So, are you a people-pleaser? What drives your need to please others? And should you reconsider your views and beliefs?
originally published in Kaisen Kaiden Well-being
Anedny Portrait Studio specializes in newborn sessions in Cypress TX and surrounding areas of Houston TX, Tomball TX, Spring TX and The Woodlands TX. In addition to newborn, we also offer maternity and family photo sessions.
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